When I was little I was in a constant state of fear. This was most likely due to my extremely active imagination combined with all of my friends being obsessed with the supernatural. I was even really good friends with a girl whose mother worked as a ghost hunter. No joke, she did it. So, needless to say I feared that time of night when the sun went down and the parents sent me to the dark chamber that was my bedroom. I was very well known to have several nightmares and night-terrors (which involved crying and screaming without waking up, and sometimes sleepwalking as well), so sleep was a frightening thing for me for a very long time.
In my upper elementary years, My mom bought me a wall hanging that had all of the different names of Jesus on it. My personal favorite was, of course, Prince of Peace. I would pray each night to my Prince of Peace in hope that my dreams would be soothing and that I wouldn't feel the need to rush next door to my parents room like I tended to do so often. Eventually, I was calmed through several years of prayer and spiritual growth.
Yet, I still hold dear the name Prince of Peace. About a month or so ago, I had been severely struggling with being content. One night in my passion group we admitted our biggest fears to one another. I thought about it for a little bit, and I realized my biggest fear was that I would never be content relationally. I have always had this drive to find 'the one,' which sounds a bit odd, but I did. It grew hard for me as I began to feel unwanted or unlovable, and even though I have wonderful friends sometimes I just wanted more than that.
It was a selfish ambition and it did not take long before God began to pull the brakes. A dear friend of mine prayed for me that night, and while I may not remember the words exactly I remember the picture they delivered, that my Prince had already been here. My Prince of Peace already came for me long ago, and He loved me so much He died for me. I have been told that so many times, sadly it became a bit routine, but I had never realized how romantic it was, or that the Prince of Peace was my Prince all along. He was there when I shuddered in my bed at night, and He has continued His courting of me through friendships i've made, and the classes and chapels at JBU. He wanted me so much more than I have ever longed for another human being, which is such a powerful concept, because human drive can be quite something.
The Bible is now no longer a text full of do this and don't do that. No, instead the Gospel is how Jesus and I began our relationship. He came for me, and even though I did not yet exist He fought for me. He fought so hard that He died, and then beat death. That is how strong His love is for me. The rest of the words of the New Testament became His love letters to me. They guide me in how to grow closer to Him, and it is sustaining. The fact that the books are not written by Jesus Himself does not matter, because it simply means there was a messenger, like when a woman receives word from another man sent from her significant other who is off in war. The words may have been given by someone else, but it does not refute the love behind them. He is my Prince of Peace, and it brings me so much joy to know that. I cannot say whether or not singleness is my calling, but I can say, in this moment, I am content, and that makes all the difference.
